Stuff My Racist Relatives Say

“I think all those feyfolk – elves, eladrin, and even gnomes – are UP to something. The way they’re always slipping off to that feywild place, I’m certain they’re foreign terrorists of some sort.”

“Look at an elf’s hands to see where he stands. Ain’t never met an elf that didn’t have pretty hands… ain’t none of ’em never done a day of hard work in their lives.”

“Dragonborn & tieflings would rather waste time fighting each other over some ancient mistake than pay attention to the problems of today.”

“I like goliaths. Good earthy people. Plus they don’t talk much. Sort of like a mountain, in that way.”

“Humans are sort of like cheap ale: not amazingly satisfying, but you’ll find ‘em everywhere. Down all you want, they’ll make more.”

DARK elves? You’d even mention them in my presence? Hells, I was killing drow soon as I learned to hold an ax (which was before I could walk, by the way). You ask me, that difference that surface elf-folk talk about is only skin-deep… they’ve all got a bit of the dark blood in them. In drow, it makes ’em savage. In surface elves, it makes ’em cowards.”

“Every time I find myself tripped-up or looking at something juvenile, it turns out halflings were behind it. Little guys don’t have the good sense to keep their mouths shut, and it’s almost as if trouble follows them around. Good for nothings, you ask me.”

“What do I think of Shardminds? I once met a guy who’d met one of them once. Said it was like a living crystal, but it could talk in his head. I’ve dealt with gems my whole life, and that was the first I’d heard of one talking back at you. Still, if they’re cut properly, I suppose they’re okay in my book.”

Dark Secrets

There was a subset of dwarves who dug so deep that they started to meet up with demons. They made deals with these demons, and now they have corrupted their dwarven nature, gaining fire powers from their demon masters. They are called the Duergar, and most dwarves will kill them on site and wipe any trace of them from existence.

There are rumors that King Ironhammer, while creating his massive army, employed dark sorcerers to help give him an edge against the undead hordes he was facing. None of these are confirmed, and no self-respecting dwarf would ever speak of this publicly… but some wonder if maybe this had something to do with the disappearance of the old King and great Ionian army.

There’s a lost dwarven city somewhere in the north called Gauntlgrym (north of what used to be Nerath). You’ve heard tales that, in its day, it was actually a halfway point between the surface world and the Underdark, and their commerce was AMAZING. They initially had support from many races from above and below, but things went wrong, and one day it and everyone who was associated with it was just gone. Rumors of illithids (mind flayers) rising up explain why many of the merchants who used to go there don’t quite remember where it was anymore. It was a terrible loss to dwarvenkind to lose that city, and it’s probably best that no grave robbers or looters can find it. Best to let sleeping dwarves lie.

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